


Hot Tabby

by methylviolet10b



Series: By a Whisker [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Fluff, Magical Realism, or should that be magical unrealism, seriously folks this is ridiculously cracktastic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-14
Updated: 2014-02-14
Packaged: 2018-01-12 08:00:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1183844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/methylviolet10b/pseuds/methylviolet10b
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another day, another altercation...but this time, there's one very noticeable change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hot Tabby

**Author's Note:**

> Written for KCS, aka KCScribbler, in response to her prompt. Prompt at the end of the story, as it rather gives things away.
> 
> Warnings: Utter lack of plot. Ridiculously cracktastic. Complete fluff (in every sense of the term). No beta. You have been warned.

“Um.” John finished hastily wrapping himself in Sherlock’s coat and then paused, staring at his flatmate. He bit his lower lip, clearly hunting for words. “Um. This… this… um. I…I guess you’ll want an explanation, then.”

“An explanation? I’m not sure one is possible,” Sherlock sniped. He gave his blazer an impatient tug before glaring at John. “In fact, if I hadn’t had seen it with my own eyes, I’d have said that it was _impossible_. Yet here you are. Here _we_ are. And while I cannot entirely discount the possibility of some kind of drug-induced hallucination, the evidence of Samuel Kuruberg suggests that I _did_ , in fact, see you… witness your…” Sherlock’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly a few times, and then he waved a hand. “You were a _kitten!_ ”

John scratched the top of his head with one hand. His cheeks turned pink. “Um, yeah. Uh.” He scratched his head again. “I, uh, I guess there must have been some allspice in the hot toddy we had earlier. Or maybe it was in the curry.”

If anything, Sherlock looked even more outraged. “You turned into a kitten because you ingested some _allspice_?”

“Not just because of that,” John amended hurriedly. “Nothing would have happened if I hadn’t have had a massive adrenaline spike on top of the allspice exposure. But I did, when Kuruberg grabbed me and had that knife to my throat, and then…well, it just happened.” John shrugged and gave Sherlock an uncomfortable half-smile. “It hasn’t happened to me in years. I was almost too surprised to do anything.”

“The state of Kuruberg’s face suggests otherwise,” Sherlock snorted. “I hadn’t realized the kind of damage a kitten’s claws can do.”

“Not just claws, but teeth, too. The wounds on his face are largely superficial, but yeah, even small cats can cause surprisingly severe injuries. Ask any veterinarian, and they’ll tell you as much. But it was really the kick to the balls that brought him down.”

“I wouldn’t have thought a kitten – _you_ – had enough mass.” Sherlock shook his head. “And that’s another thing! It’s completely impossible that a man of your mass should somehow change into a blue-eyed, oatmeal-colored, tabby-striped kitten that couldn’t weigh a kilogram soaking wet!”

“Just over a kilo, actually. And never wet.” John shuddered.

Sherlock bristled. “How do you know that?”

“I weighed myself once, back when I was a med student. Locked myself in a lab with a pediatric scale. I doubt my weight has changed much, as a kitten anyway. I don’t seem to have aged or changed much in that form since the first time it happened.”

“That’s fascinating.” Sherlock blinked. “And just as improbable as everything else. Not to mention – what happened to your _clothes_?”

John sighed. “They vanish. They always vanish, whenever the change happens. Don’t ask me why, because I don’t know.”

“But…but…” Sherlock’s mouth gaped again. “That’s _really_ impossible.”

“More than me turning into a kitten?” John snarked. “It’s no more a violation of the laws of conservation of mass than anything else about the business.”

“I suppose that’s true enough.” Sherlock took a deep breath, and then his eyes narrowed. “But you said you don’t know why your clothes vanish. That implies that you _do_ know something about why you’re a were-kitten!”

John scowled. “I’m _not_ a were-kitten! This has nothing to do with the moon!”

“Fine, fine – but what are you then?”

“Cursed.” John heaved a sigh. “Look, Sherlock, I’ll tell you everything I know – but later, back at the flat, yeah? Because right now, my feet are freezing, I feel like a flasher with nothing on but your coat, and I’d really rather not have to answer any awkward questions when Lestrade gets here, which should be in about two minutes.”

“How do you expect to get across town? You can’t go out like that.”

“No, but you can. And I know how big your coat pockets are.” John pulled off Sherlock’s coat and handed it back to him. “You can give me a lift.”

He gave Sherlock a cheeky grin, and then… Sherlock would swear that he never blinked, but one moment John was standing there in the altogether, and the next moment he was gone, and a kitten blinked up at him. “Mrow?”

Sherlock blinked back, then sighed and shrugged into his coat. “All right, all right.” He stooped down and scooped up the kitten, who obligingly began to purr. “You’re rather cute like this,” he rumbled.

John-the-kitten hissed.

“I’m just stating a fact, John. Don’t ruffle your fur over it. After all, I’m the one who’s going to have to think up something to tell Lestrade.” The detective’s eyes sparkled. He carefully eased John into one of his pockets just as the sound of sirens emerged from the background traffic noise. “I can’t wait to tell him how I took out Kuruberg with a _kitten_.”

Inside Sherlock’s pocket, John’s answering meow sounded suspiciously like a snigger.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: John is a were!kitten, meaning that every time ___(insert random situation)____ happens, he turns into a fiercely adorable oatmeal-colored kitten.
> 
> Originally posted December 30th, 2012


End file.
